How do you ease the pain of telling your husband you are gay?

I have been married for 8yrs. I have always been bi, then I met my husband and I fell in love. it has been a rocky marriage but I still love him. We recently took a small break, on his request. During this time I thought alot about eveything and decided one of the reasons all my relationships failed was I was involved with men and I am lesbian, and we all know that does not work. I told him Wednesday. I know it was the right thing to do, but we are both hurting and I do not know what to do to ease the pain or even comfort him. Any suggestions?How do you ease the pain of telling your husband you are gay?
Take him on Jerry Springer and do it in front of TV cameras. I like watching that stuff, and then find a lesbian lover the night before and introduce her, and then you both make out and take your tops off (classic Jerry). That should get the point across that for 8+ solid years you have lied to him about the very being of your relationship and that now you are a strict 'whisker biscuit' type of girl and for him to leave you alone with his 'man-gina'. Oh and put rainbow and gay pride stickers all over your car, and grow a mullet or buzz cut depending on your position. I think that whole excuse ';well I have been lesbian/gay my whole life and was just faking it for you/society/family'; is utter crap. I think you just wanted to turn the blade as you shoved it deeper into his heart.How do you ease the pain of telling your husband you are gay?
Just leave, he will deal with it on his own. Best wishes
try a 3some with him that way you can have the best of both worlds
It sounds like to me that you don't know if you are bi or lesbian. Your problem is not just on a physical and emotional level, but a spiritual level as well. Before making the decision to leave your husband, I suggest you get counseling from a qualified spirit filled Christian counselor, even if you don't go to any church. Nothing is impossible for God to fix if you want Him to help you!
Provably u can't find ease way to talk abut this situation, and u don't wanner hurting him, but u have to thinking, the lie go hurt him more, and one more thing, u have to thing in your self, If u still love him u don't have to talk abut u preferences sexual, but if u are lesbian, u not love him like a men, u love him like friend. U don't have to tel him u are lesbian. It is only for u because probably he's can't understand.
It was better to tell you husband than continue on in a unfulfillable marriage. That would have been selfish on both of you guys parts. It was better for you to be a woman about the situation than for someone else later in life to tell him. There is no cure for hurt except time, the sad part is some of us take a longer time to heal than others. Good Luck in the future and I hope the both of you find happiness again!
Hi, honey sorry about your problems. Unfortunately, there is no way to ease the pain of telling someone that you are gay, regardless of whether or not its a husband, mother, father, sister, brother, daughter or son. There is no way to ease pain like that.


I would like to say to you, it took a LOT of courage on your part. I am proud that you are not living a lie, because really its not fair for you or your husband. Both of you need to give 100% in a marriage and you guys just were not. If you have kids it would not be fair to them either. I am a firm believer that people need to be happy in this lifetime. This means no more denying who you really are.


I think the healing process is going to begin with the old saying ';time heals all wounds';. As corny as that may sound to you, the old saying is true. I don't think you can ease the pain for him. The best thing to do is to leave each other alone for a while. If you want to call him every now and again to see how he is doing, that is fine. But really its more pain for the person that loves you to hear your voice when they are trying to get over you.


Just know that you did the right thing. You will give your husband time to grieve his loss, and hopefully your husband will eventually find someone that can love him completely, and so will you. You both do not need the heartache of fooling yourselves. I am glad that you did the right thing because many people stay in relationships...


Be yourself, pray for your husband, but I suggest you let him work out his own grief without you.


Good luck and I wish you all the best! Kat
every breakup hurts..at every age. remind yourself of that fact first.





second, you mentioned that he had requested a break just recently. you're married and he asks for a break? what were his reasons-we don't know coz you didn't say, but YOU know, so think of those. a husband doesn't just randomly ask for a 'break' from marriage. that indicates to me that it's not just you who has issues to think over, but he was doing some rethinking the whole marriage thing on his own anyway. key point to notice here far as i can tell with the limited information i have to go on is that his request came BEFORE you told him. right? if that's the case, don't shoulder all the blame.





..and really however you look at it, any marriage involves two people. two efforts, two perspectives, two voice of reason and causes of problems. it is not all your fault. so realize that.





you did the right thing-you told him, as he should know-and you were honest with yourself. i applaud you for your honesty with yourself first, then with your spouse..there are so many people out there who cannot manage to do either of them, either for lack of courage, or fear of the reactions they'd meet. your husband is lucky you didn't lie to him..even though i know he is hurting very much, just like you.





best of luck to you, and your husband..i am sure you will go far in life, judging from your honesty and ethics.
There's not a lot you can say right now that is going to ease the pain you, or your husband are feeling. Give it time to ';sink in';, and then if you need to talk to him, you can. You are probably not one of his favorite people right now, so just give it time. He might not like it, even then, but he will accept it better. Good Luck!!
find a girlfriend and offer to have sex w/ him and her @ the same time...guys like girl on girl action even if they've known them for a long time.im not gay but guyz just like it like that.
You don't. Be honest and direct regarding your sexual orientation. You owe him that much. And what do you want out your marriage? (Another women?)





Let's put the shoe on the other foot: How would you feel if he was attractive to men? Would you want another man in your life? Now see the issue?





Finally, figure out what you want, discuss it with him, see if a compromise if available, and follow your path.





Love is not gender bound. If you can find it and are lucky enough to keep, you have found your suggestions.





Go with and be with God.
none. are you trying to ease your pain or his? If I were him there would be nothing you could do.
Invite him to join you and a girlfriend. Guys are like that. OR, you could just be honest. It's not fair to him with you holding secrets.. good luck
i dont think there is much to ease the pain other than 'time'. but i have a question, are you bi or lesbian? those are two different things. you can be bi and be attracted to people of both sexes and then eventually find one, may be a man or a woman, who you love and stay with. but if you are lesbian, does that not mean you only want to be with women? perhaps the real answer is that your husband just isnt the right one for you and it doesnt matter that he is a man. you might go through life and find another man you truly love that you want to be with, or you might find a woman. i think the issue here is more that he isnt the right one, not because of his sex.





one of my old friends is bi and she ended up marrying a man. then they split up because she said she wanted to be with women, but i heard them fighting all the time so i knew it was just that they werent right for each other. she ended up meeting another man and is now married to him and they have a child. she is happy and says she doesnt feel the need to be with another woman instead. she loves her husband, just happens to be the person she picked to be with.
You cant but you owe it to him to be honest and tell him.... You also should let him go it you are truley a lesbian.... You need to let him go and not hurt him any more....
Nothing in the world can ease that pain. You're basically telling him you want another woman instead of him. Tell him to divorce and move on. Then let time heal him.





You're a selfish woman, you know. You could have saved him that kind of pain by not marrying him in the first place.
Leave him in peace you are not the right one to fix him. You broke him though your dishonesty had you given him the truth before the wedding it is doubtful that he would have married you. You hurt him bad and now you aren't really looking for a way to fix him you're looking for a way to do away with your guilt. Somethings we just have to suffer and the consequences of our dishonesty is one of them. If you ever cared anything leave him alone and let him find his solutions via what ever method he selects and mind your own business about it.
l-e-a-v-e h-i-m!
Give him hints and let him figure it out.
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tell him.. please. for all of us.
Any suggestions?!?!?Well....my oppinion is that you don't have to hide!Why to hide?This is what you are.Of course that it's not a great news to hear,but it's the truth.Just have faith in you!!!
well to start with you say you are bi well youve decieved your husband but not telling him this in the ist place.surely some thing like this would have been diguessed when u ist met him.it not fair on him and he will be feeling hurt and confused which is all your own doing.you should leave him as it not fair on him to have been put in this situation