I dont want to hang out w/ my husband co-workers & their wives in these damn get togethers! Your Opinion?

My husband works for the state as a cop and likes to hang out with his co-workers. Their are times that he wants to have get togethers with them and barebeques. I know he wish i could be friends with them or talk to them but that is not me cuz i dont believe in socializing with co workers and their wives. especially i dont want to say the wrong things to his co workers or the wives cuz they work together and u can't say anything personal or private about things with coworkers and the wives. I have tried to make him happy before and went to these get togethers before quite a few times but everytime it happends it's the same thing. Him and his co workers talk about mostly work (BORING!!!) and the wives dont really say that much. i tried talking to them about some stuff but yea, can't relate. but i guess it's hard when it comes to different age range. I'm 24 and they are close to or around their 40's. so what is there really to say? maybe they think i'm some dumb person cuz they are way older and i'm young,,, i dont know. Yea i look 16 but doesn't make me stupid. but i'm mature for my age and we have kids okay.. i told my husband i dont want to socialize with his co workers and their wives cuz that's just not me. I was a military wife with my ex husband and already been through it and dont want to go through socializing with any co workers or the wives at all. One time i went to one of my husband co workers get togethers that they invited us to and my husband wanted to go so i said sure cuz that makes him happy.... so we went and i came in, the wife and husb didn't really talk to me and didn't seem they wanted to, i say hi but they still didn't seem to want to talk to me(Rude ppl). there werent many people in the house to ad to that so WTF! so all i did there was sat their and drank so i can try to get hammered plus could hear nothing but work with my husband group of co workers(How BORING). The wives the other hand, yea, can't really relate to them.... After that i was like F*ck this. They invited us to come over and they dont even say hello atleast. Well they did talk to my husband cuz of course he works with his co worker but with the rest...yea they were rude. Even the husband admitted they know they were kinda rude and his wife should of not been that way. but atleast the husband admitted it. i dont know about her. I dont have to go to these things if i dont want to. i was a military wife and dont have to go through the same thing ever again. so ever since that get together that was the last one and i haven't gone to these get togethers ever since and now my husband isn't happy with me the fact i dont want to go to these get togethers. I already told him that i dont feel comfortable going to these things and he doesn't seem to understand. all he says is that i just need to talk to them more. Well how can u talk to somebody if ya can't really relate to them. you can't make a man and a woman want to talk and fall in love and you cant make people be friends...doesn't work that way!. Hey....atleast i tried to make him happy and talk to these ppl. but what should i do about this anyways and what is your opinion on this? I want to be able to hang out with people that i can really talk to and have a sense of humor that u can actually be comfortable saying dirty jokes atleast and can relate to things. I just dont feel like it's professional to be this close with your co workers in my opinion. What do u think? Makes me want to smoke cigarettes when i go to these things cuz it's soooo boring!!! Maybe it's just me but i wish my husband wasn't soo into these get togethers with his co-workers. I feel like to him it's really important and i think he wants to be in these group things and with me i dont like to be part of these type of socializing co workers groups. I'm from Cali and i live in the Northwest now. when ya move somewhere different...different people and different personalities. Maybe that's the case i dont know. Let's keep it shorter...my husband said there is going to be another get together and he wants us to go together...should i or should i not? or either should it just tell him we arent going to these things? or tell him to go by himself over there cuz to me it's all bunch of BS! Im the wife and i know i can put my foot down on some things but i dont want to be controlling and dont want him to be unhappy or mean about it. (ATLEAST I TRY TO ACKNOWLEGE THESE THINGS OKAY...Ha).I dont want to hang out w/ my husband co-workers %26amp; their wives in these damn get togethers! Your Opinion?
I'm not very social either and get really nervous talking to people. I don't feel I can relate and I get the feeling people are being rude or plain *** don't like me. My husband on the other hand is the complete opposite. He likes social crap and I've often avoided going. I know it makes him unhappy so what helped me and this isn't the ideal way but I'd have a couple drinks before hand. Not get drunk but a good buzz so I was ';friendly';. Then I didn't worry so much about was said. I wasn't drunk so I wasn't dancing on the tables and I found more to talk about. It may have been stupid conversation but I didn't care and it made my husband happy I was with him and mingling on my own.I dont want to hang out w/ my husband co-workers %26amp; their wives in these damn get togethers! Your Opinion?
I don't blame you at ALL. My husband will invite boring strangers home or to our cabin to STAY. 1 stranger shot himself to death near our cabin. 1 day he is going to befriend an axe murderer! I am not social and he is. I am not running a charity, hotel, or bed and breakfast for a bunch of tourists!

Report Abuse

Ha Ha Oh snap with the Drew Peterson comment...
you are married to drew peterson, arent you.
I read your post in it's entirity.





You are being self centered and selfish. You go to these things for your husband. You did not mention how often they are getting together. If it's every weekend that's too much. If it's every month then honestly it wouldn't be that much.





You also didn't mention how old your husband is?





You are young clearly. You want to smoke, party, dirty talk in a social setting...you don't want to be professional with a group of adults. I just don't understand.





You can talk about a wide group of topics: cooking, television, books, husband's work (which should interest you), weather....ANYTHING. Ask them how they met their husbands and you'll touch on a wealth of topics.





At our last gathering we ended up talking about boating and wines and nearby festivals. It was fun learning from the other wives and husbands. There is probably a similar age gap in at my parties.





However, I am not rude nor disrespectful or feel like my host should welcome me with open arms. The host is busy and probably stressed. My host greeted me and gracefully explained she was busy.





Let your husband know going in how long you can/should stay. Typically, eat for 1 hour and then have 1 hour of conversation. After that it's a respectable time to end your evening. If others are staying longer you can stay longer but, leaving after 1 hour (right after the meal) would be rude.





I suggest you try to learn from these women. You may find a hobby that interests you or you just may learn something. Your other option is to be nice but, ';shy';...and that won't be fun.





Work is also about building connections. It's not like they're getting drunk or telling dirty jokes....they are establishing connections and references to futher their careers. It is appropriate if you act appropriate and like an adult.





I suggest you host a get together. Then you can plan party games such as ';Scharades';...it'll make the group really see you in a new light and probably appricate you.





Good luck!





Add-- It is good you've tried but, honestly, this isn't about you it's about your husband. Your husband looks foolish when you don't show up and it embarasses him that he has to make excuses for you; I am sure...since he's so upset about it.





No, you don't have to do anything you don't want to but, again, this is about your husband's career and it IS professional to make social conncetions. No one at the office likes the guy who is the hermit. Talking on the phone is not the same as talking with the person.





I would hope that you'd want to mature and do well for your husband (and yourself) but, maybe in another 10-20 years you will see why people interact such as they do. Partying isn't that great and gets old quick. Not that you can't ever have fun partying but, social connections are going to you further in life. But, at this point in your life it seems your priorties are set on getting free drinks instead of making friends so your husband can create more job security.





Do whatever you want...it's your life but, you may regret your impaticience and lack of social grace later on. Sometimes people are cool in social situations but, it takes a true master of social grace to bring people out of their shell.





Good luck again.
This was way to long to read it through. In addition, the little I read reflected the thoughts of a very young person who is not socially evolved. This would certainly explain why you feel uncomfortable with older more seasoned people.





If you decide not to go to these soirees with your husband, you will be back on the board talking about him leaving you at home and going off with his friends.





Try taking some classes to enrich your self....read about current affairs, know what's going on around you. I would suggest some type of 'finishing school' as we have in Europe, but I am not sure if those are available here in the US any more. This will help you with the social graces and how to behave and interact in a social setting.





I believe it is imperative that you try to fit in. IF your husband is also older, he will soon realize that you are not his mental or intellectual equal and you may be hearing the rustle of divorce papers. Your goal should be self improvement. The way you write reflects the way you speak. You will also want to check that.





This answer is a honest assessment of what you have presented. I suggest you read it with an open mind.





Good luck.
Very long, but you eventually got to the point. I'm in a similar situation as yourself, my husband attends these social events with people in authority primarily chiefs and directors, maybe one or two co-workers. I know these gatherings are very important for his career and our future. Their wives are stay at home wives since their husbands are clearly financially stable. There is also an age gap between me and the wives and my husband and I do not have any kids. There are a lot of things I cannot relate to them on, but they are always trying to include me in on the conversations (even when I have no clue of what they are talking about). I don't attend all the functions with my husband, but I attend maybe 1 or 2 a month just to satisfy him. I am not a conversation starter and do not get any excitement out of attending these socials as they can be rather dull. They get really dunk at times and start saying whatever comes to mind this usually determines how soon we are going leave. (yippee for me)





On the other hand, you have kids and maybe you and the wives can relate on that subject. Try making a simple dish to bring to the party or buy it at the store. No one has to know it was bought except you and yours. If they like it, it can be a hit for the evening and future events. If they don't, at least you are showing you are ALIVE. You do not have to change who you are.





Wish you well!!!
you need to shorten this if you are going to get an answer - it's way too long.
I can relate but i do what makes my husband happy as long as he does the same, you don't have to go to every little get together just a few to show you care. If its really not your thing let your husband know and work it out
you need to grow up and be there for your husband..... there are things in life we don't like but we do them.... you need to get off your high horse and stop thinking your better then these people!!!! you might be the reason why they treat you like this... maybe you come on acting like a b*th*h and her husband did not see it! i don't know but you need to try harder and be there for your husband!!!! and if i am wrong then i am going to say be the better person hold your head up and walk up to them and start talking to them and learn to be the better person then what you just wrote!