I am married and i love my husband but recently we have had a terrible thing happen in our lives.?

how do we keep our marriage from falling apart. our daughter was 23 and killed by a speeding driver we have another daughter 21 and 4 grandchildren and another one the way. our daughter that was killed was also having a son. her husband and three yr old son now lives with us. The question i need answered is why do i feel so distant from him. Some of the stupid stuff he has done in 27 yrs really now is getting to me. I guess before i looked over it. but now i see how fast things in your life can change. why do i feel like i don't love this man anymore.I am married and i love my husband but recently we have had a terrible thing happen in our lives.?
Sweetie, please don't do anything else that would only be another tragedy. You really need your husband right now. Take all the others advice and just get some grief counseling. You just need time. You deserve it. You don't want to wake up one day and realize that you not only lost your daughter, but tore your family up, too. You will be okay. I have been thru a terrible tragedy myself. I promise you the dust will settle and you will be able to feel again. Take care and God bless you.I am married and i love my husband but recently we have had a terrible thing happen in our lives.?
Sounds to me like this horrible event has caused you to seriously reconsider if this life is what you want. When something unexpected happens its normal to doubt yourself or others...maybe deep down inside, you feel regret for things you haven't done in your life, realizing that life is too short to hold back. Also, your children link you and your husband together if all else fails, and if something happens to them, you start to reconsider your marital arrangement. Some people think of a tragedy like this as punishment for doing something against their better judgement. I'm not saying this is the case for you, just offering different possibilities. Anyhow, life has funny ways of drawing our attention to important matters...perhaps this was natures way of waking you up emotionally...maybe you were meant to rationalize your life and decide if you would feel regret if you were faced with death tomorrow, over things you never did. On another note, this death could just be screwing with your emotions and part of you feels like you should detach from those you love, so that it doesn't hurt as much if something were to happen to them? Just some ideas to ponder. Only you can answer this question with time and some serious consideration.
Unfortunately, grief can pry us away from one another just as easily as it can push us together. Give him time to grieve in his own way while you grieve in yours; don't forget to love and support him (and show him that) during this and tell him that you understand. Grief takes time. If after a few months things aren't lighter, you may wish to consult a grief counselor.
Please go to grief counseling because a tragedy like this can make us push the ones we love away and when your over the grief of your daughter. The damage to your marriage my be unrepairable. Remember he is hurting too and you really need each other more now then before.





I am sorry for your loss and wish you all the best with your husband.
This is a very stressful situation. You are experiencing a tremendous amount of grief. At a time like this don't shut your family out, or your daughters family out. Nothing can replace your loss, but with time and love you can heal. I would advise talking to a grief counselor, marriage counselor, or your clergy. Take Care.
I have never lost a child, but I have witnessed my best friends little brother passing and what it did to her mother..and also the effects of my husbands brother passing away on his family.





I think that people deal with death in different ways, no two people cope the same way. Some times also the only way we can cope with something so great a loss as a child dying is to pull away from those that love you and deal with the loss internally. This often means that the outside world and the people around you can have a negative affect on you.


Rather than looking over the small things they do, you start to focus in on them as being really irritating and want to be away from them as much as possible.





You have had a hard blow to deal with. Not only did your daughter die, her husband and child are living with you. I am sure its great to have them near you, but they also serve as a constant reminder that she is gone.


My daughter is only 14 months old, but so much of what defines my marriage to my husband is our bond through Gracie (or baby). It terrifies me to think of losing her, because what would life be without her? So much of my life is defined by raising and caring for her. You put so much concentration and love into your kids, where would it go when they are gone before you? That is not how life is supposed to be. You aren't supposed to have to bury your kids.


Your husband and you now have to figure out how to live life with just having one living child. It sounds like you both still need time to heal, and you need to lean on him a bit, and he on you. Share your feelings instead of dealing with them alone. Maybe if you reach out to him, and he to you, the things that you were able to look over for so many years will fade away like they did before.





Best wishes to you!
A death of a child can really tear couples apart. I am sorry for your loss.but u guys have to share ur sadness u guys need to look into the future adn pray for ur daughter.im osryr i dunno wat else to tell u.im very sorry for ur loss
Your daughter just got killed in a violent manner, plus your next grandbaby. It's natural to try and take out some anger on anybody. Your hubby is closest. It is a dangerous time for your whole family, especially you %26amp; hubby. Marriages have fallen apart over far less. You two need to find out how to be each other's best support. Get outside help if you need to. Do whatever it takes. It will be worth it in the long run. Pray.
So sorry for your loss. That is the worst thing a parent can deal with.





My husband and I lost our little boy after a babysitter left him alone in the tub and he drowned. This was the hardest thing imaginable for us to deal with and almost drove us apart as well. We would place blame, take our anger and frustrations out on each other until we were always fighting.





I would strongly suggest some grief counseling, or in the very least going to a support group for parents who have lost a child. This is the only thing, I think, that saved us. You have to allow yourselves a chance to grieve. You will find that you will be each other's strongest support system in getting through this. You have been together 27 years; don't throw in the towel.





Good luck.
I truly am sorry for your loss...I can only imagine the pain that you are going through... you and your husband both would benefit from therapy....I think what is happening to you is not really that uncommon....you focus on one another and one another faults...so as to not deal with the loss of your daughter....
I think you are probably hurting really bad from your lost daughter and are looking for a way to release those feelings by finding stuff about your hubby to pick at.


Your hubby is probably going thru some things with his feelings also and he probably has a hard time expressing them also.


I think that you guys should go to a therapist/counselor to work on these issues because a death in the family is really serious. And it is even worse if you have feelings like that towards your spouse.
I'm so very sorry for your loss. The loss of a child and unborn grandchild must be horrible. I'll pray for you.





As far as the rest, I believe you, and maybe all of you, might need grief counseling. It's not unusual for such a tragedy to wreak havoc in a family, but now is the time to love each other and pull together, not tear each other apart.





Would it be possible for your son-in-law to find a place of his own? Maybe the strain of him being so close to you right now is not the best situtuation Does he have family of his own he could stay with? Can he not support himself and his son? He may have done stupid things, but he must have been worth something if the daughter you loved so much loved him. Maybe just knowing that will help your feelings about him.





I hope you find an answer. But do find some help dealing with your grief issues. There are counselors that specialize in grief management. Please consider that for a starter.





Good luck...God Bless
Try to get through this together... You're a team! He is the only one who is hurting just like you are. It's hard, but try to make a conscious effort to do this together. And maybe try counseling.





Good luck!
when my parents lost my brother at almost 19,i guess my dad blamed my brother and my mom blamed herself for the death.they are still together but it doesn't mean they didn't have problems that i didn't know about as i was newly married at the time and living about 4 hours away after all the funeral events.the death may have brought things to the surface for you concerning your husband and if you can't work thru it,you'll fall apart.
Because you are in MOURNING . Old Father Time has a way of easing these things, but it takes time. Whatever you do, DON'T Lash out at him; you will heal quicker, if you're not alone. I'd suggest having a weekly discussion about that daughter %26amp; let everyone talk; then get up %26amp; stay busy %26amp; concentrate on the ones you still have. How would you feel if you kept brooding %26amp; maybe ignoring the others %26amp; one of them died? Men mourns, too, but not in the same ways that women does, so don't think he's not taking it hard, too. As you heal, you will start to think more positive thoughts.
After reading your story, #1, I'd like to say I'm so sorry for you and your family..


Years of being the strong person you are have taken a toll on your emotional stability. It is your turn now for support. Would strongly recommend you find a support group in your area for your whole family.


Your daughter would never want her child's grandparents to be at odds with each other over anything related to her death.


Hope you, yourself can seek some counciling to help with the loss not only of your daughter, but your best friend as well.


Your husband is reacting ,this was his child as well. You certainly have my thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.
A death of a child can really tear couples apart. I am sorry for your loss. I want you to look back in the first few years of dating and of your marriage. Remember what it was that made you fall in love with him. How has that changed over the years. Is it something that you can get back??





Been with my guy for 20 years. Love him more than ever. If our children (age 3 %26amp; 7) dies, I would want to hold on to him even tighter. Of course we are very affectionate, hug and kiss daily, hold hands all the time, and I would think, after the death, I would want more affections. Good luck.
You are just hurting right now and your emotions are on overdrive. Try not to take things out on each other, he's hurting also. Remember your daughter and cry if you have to. Seek out a support group, or if you are religious in any way, get in touch with the spirtual side of things. I'm sorry you had to lose a child, thats a horrible and tragic event.
I think you are angry....anger is easier to deal with than the absolute horror and sadness at the death of your daughter and unborn grandchild. You need to get some grief counseling, either join an online group or one through a local church or even one on one counseling. There isn't much worse in this world than losing your child, it changes you in ways that many other events never would. I am so sorry for your loss.
Get into gried counselling now and if you can find a support group do that as well. You are in pain, pain that others cannot fathom let alone understand. You have been married a long time and that is a beatufiul thing. Hang in there, find a way to work thru this with your family. You sound like a beautiful family. Work it out, don't give up. Find grief counselling. It will be worth it. Celebrate your daughter and her life. Make a legacy for her. She wouldn't want your marriage to end. Honor her with what you are doing. God Bless You my dear!
I'm so sorry for you loss. maybe you are still in a state of shock over the loss of you daughter. you may be looking to much into things now that you know life can change in a split second. i hope you can get back to a semi normal life with your husband who is hurting to I'm sure. talk to him. god bless your family.
First, I am deeply sorry for what you are going through. I can literally feel the agony in what you have written. Many years ago, my youngest brother was killed in a terrible accident during his first year of college. He was the youngest of four children and I can still recall the agony that my mother and father dealt with as if it was yesterday. My mother couldn't take the pressure and died six days later.





My heart goes out to you and your entire family.





What you are all dealing with is severe trauma and the unimaginable stress that goes with it. There is now a name for it. It is called post traumatic stress syndrome.





Some people have a hard time dealing with their emotions even when things are pretty good. when that emotional strength is put to the test, as in your situation, many just cannot live up to what they need to do. It doesn't make them bad, it simply shows that they are weak. You are all going through a very trying situation and you need to grieve. You're all probably trying to be strong for each other, but that creates it's own ';catch22'; in that you don't get the chance to ';let it out'; like you really need to.





I'm sure you have heard from time to time, maybe after some school kids being killed or something that the school would be providing a ';grief counselor'; for the students. That's what you and your husband need. Someone who can help you work through this. The loss of a child is uniquely the worst thing a parent can deal with. Nothing else comes close. When this child was also your closest friend and confidant, it's like two losses in one. Add to that the loss of an unborn grandchild, and you have way more than anyone should ever have to deal with.





I'm not sure what things over the 27 years are now coming back to hit you in the face, but believe me when I tell you that now is the time you need to be in each other's arms, not at each other's throats.





Get someone who can help the two of you through this. Your daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren need the two of you more than ever.
sorry about your lost,you are going through a very hard time,now and a lot of changes in your life,and so much pain,you can't do this all alone,talk with your family,tell them how you fell,and share your felling with your daughter husband,and if i may say so,ask GOD to help you and your family through all of this