Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Is it love or lust.. Can u fall in love when u no longer able to love anyone?

I was in one of the local Brit pubs in Cyprus watchin the footy wv my mates when I met a guy that doesn't speak a language I know!! English,Arabic and french he speaks Greek ! His mate speaks enough English for random conversations, I'm married for a year now, I love my husband but am not in love wv him, we just understand and trust each other, I thought it's funny to av a mate that u can't simply understand each other, there is someone alwayse translating what he want to say in English , I went home feeling butterflies in my stomach !! He start texting me , sweet , kinda guy u meet in high school haha, i really don't know how I end up thinking about him, and what if i met him before I got married, if i can speak his language, the way he looks at me making every single part in me wants him, .. I did the right thing and told him it's not gonna work, it's funny, and it's the right thing to do! I sound like an idiot since I don't know I just said those words because I'm afraid to know him, I know deep inside that he see thro me! He is not an idiot he is a doctor for godsake, so fit but not beautiful he is just weird and lovely ., he looks like a guy who loves to be incontrol! ! He text me back, he would do anything to get to know him.. Then next day he text me i can't just not see u again, he is demanding me to meet him again ! And it's not right to walk away, it's wrong.. The 1st time I saw him I toke a pic for him! I walked away ignoring him.. We have no chance to meet again by accedent! Be lives in another city who by accedent happen to be spending his Sunday where I live with his mate, Sundays I never go out wv my mates cause it's my husband day off, that Sunday I met him was my 1st Sunday off alone since we got married cause one of my girlfriends needed a lift to the pub and asked me to go for a drink and watch the footy ! My husband said u go out if u want am stayin in(drunk) .. ..that's my silky story, a random stranger got me confused, butterflies in my stomach , I forget to breath some times when I think of him!!.. I just cut him out of my life and am acting like I never met him, and it hurts load!!! I was in love before long time ago and I end up heart broken! He was made for me , perfect love story for two very good, he once toke drugs wv his mates and after less than 2 month he was dead!! I died too, i really felt more dead than him, I end up wv borderline personality disorder!! That was years ago, I got married just to have someone go thro life with me, I wasn't 100% happy but I also wasn't sad! Time heal load of wounds, or u just get stronger to be able to contain the pain deep inside , keeping ur sadness just for your self... I'm so afraid of being alone I decided to marry a guy that honest, funny and responsible !! .. I know that guy that I met In a weird Sunday is my soul mate, but here I'm going thro life wv a smile on my face and fake conversations, pretending am listining while am fighting my self to do what Im good at.. Play it safe!! Am sad I guess, what do u think I should do ..Is it love or lust.. Can u fall in love when u no longer able to love anyone?
i dunno how or wat to tell you but right now i live for my own . i just follow the flow .i love someone but i dunno where my relationship stand . if this guy is for you then just be happy wif him . since you dont love your husband anymore wait for the next level .

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