Friday, August 20, 2010

Married w/3 children... Fallen out of love with my husband... Need advice.?

It is complicated, as always. I have been married 7 years. He loves me, I know, but I can no longer deal with him constantly putting me down, demanding the house to be clean, while changing diapers, making dinner, working full time, carpooling kids, managing a business, while he sits around telling me about his hard day at work. His family hates me because I am american and have different beliefs. They go out of their way to make me upset. I cry to my husband and he refuses to defend me. I feel lonely. We can be home all day and not say 2 words. I don't want to live a lonely life and have my children think this is normal or think that this is what marriage is. I want to be happy and ';In Love'; and have it be returned. He has denied counseling for years. I fear losing my house, friends, family, and respect. I really need your advice. Am I wrong for wanting to leave? How do I tell him?Married w/3 children... Fallen out of love with my husband... Need advice.?
Make sure you are prepared to leave. Start a plan, money, a place to stay.... and make sure you have a plan B. Just preparing to leave %26amp; making plans %26amp; looking forward to a happier future will make you feel better over the time it takes for you to get ready to leave. Once you have everything in place %26amp; you're ready to leave just tell him you are leaving. He may love you, but he doesn't respect you. Or does he just love having you around to take care of the kids and the home? Maybe that is why he ';loves'; you. You should come before his family. A husband %26amp; wife are suppose to be as one. If they insult you it should be as they are insulting him.Married w/3 children... Fallen out of love with my husband... Need advice.?
It's not wrong for you to feel this way if you have tried wanting to work it out. If he loves you and care for the family, he would want to work things out. Since he doesn't maybe it's time to leave. Sometimes man realise what they have lost when a woman leaves.
I understand your frustration. You didn't mention your different beliefs. However, if you are a Christian, the bible says not to divorce your spouse unless they were unfaithful. (Mt 19-9) Pray for the Lord to work on his heart. I would advise you to have him help out around the house %26amp; with the kids. Maybe then he'll apreciate you more. Spend time together as a family. Instead of saying ';2 words to each other';, take the family (husband included) to the beach or park. Let him know that you need words of affirmation. We all do. Pray w/o ceasing. May God bless you %26amp; your family.
No you are not wrong for wanting to leave, you have a right to be happy, but you scare me, because you did not say where you are??? you said his family does not like you because you are american but did not say where you are??? I would look in to divorces where ever you are. I would be afraid of you losing your kids! the house and friends well then can be replaced but you need your kids. and i have been divorced twice and now very happily married I will not lie to you it will be tough but worth it in the long run. You deserve to be treated well and to be happy
Don't blame it on the culture's believes blame it on your self if you can do something and u don't, specially if your kids r suffering and what kind of respect your trying not to loose if you don't have any right now !!!!
Tell him if he truly loves you then he will help you save your marriage by going to see a counselor. If he still denies it, then you will have to think about moving on. As for your respect, you are loosing it by putting up with his family and his insults.

Good luck
Tell him you are leaving....%26amp; mean it! Then when he sees you are serious, maybe he will listen. It might not hurt for you to go stay with a friend or hotel for a day or two to think about it and that would give him time to think also.

Big hugs and good luck!
Your story sounds so much like my mothers....

After years and years of unhappiness, her misery took a toll on her health, especially her immunte system. It wasn't worth it anymore.

She told my dad she was unhappy and would divorce him and take half of everything. I think my dad was shocked when she first stood up for herself. They argued but my dad knew my mother was right, she really could leave, take half of everything and he would be the big looser in the deal.

Deep down my father loves my mother... but he has taken advantage of my mother because she is so sweet and accomodating (too accomodating in my opinion). When my mother finally put her foot down and threatened to leave and take everything, my father changed.

Maybe this will work for you, know your rights and realize that he has more to loose then you do.

Wishing you the best.
Ask him for some help around the house and with the kids...if he will not help, tell him to get lost! you'll do alright without him sounds like you are doing everything already!!
I was going to answer that you should go to couples' counseling, but then I saw you write that he denies counseling.

In your daily life you REQUIRE a sense of security, comfort and affection. As you have written you do not have that, and he is not willing to take counselling with you, then you are right for wanting to leave.

I think there is no point to tell him. It would be only a threat that would cause him to argue with you. I suggest you discreetly make your preparations to be ready to leave. That means finding a place where you can be sheltered, be safe, and have meals. If you have your own money, this is easier to do. But if you don't have your own money, then you will require assistance from friends or a social agency. Make a plan, where you will go, and what you will take. Then when you have it worked out, just leave.
Many people go through a downturn around this time of marriage. You've heard of the movie ';The Seven Year Itch';? With 3 kids, it's worth it to work it out with your husband... not just for you but for your kids. Their lives will be infinitely less complicated and happier if you two can find a way to be happy together.

BUT... if he's not willing to make some changes, and go to counseling, then it may be time to think about separating. Truth is, the drudgery of the stage of life you're in will drag you down no matter whether you're with him or not. It will get better, though, when those little kiddies are in about 2nd grade.
spaek with your husband and tell him every thing what you feel

go to a solution why this thigs ar happening if you r husband like you he will be in a better positon to solve this problem becaus th eknot which is getting u and your husbands family is ur husband because you leave with your husbands family is because of your husband they ARE GIVING YOU TROUBLE BECAUSE OF UR HUSBAND
leave him now. dont put your kids through that. you can do better.if you dont think about your self think about your kids.
You've mentioned all the negatives. Now it's time to state the positives. Then weigh it out. I would never suggest leaving a marriage, but weigh it out(don't think all negative, unless all there is... is negative)
Sounds like you are being very much abused. You start out the first line of ';He loves me..but'; is there any but in love? All the things you say sounds like he doesn't respect you at all. You should leave as fast as you can, and no you are not wrong for doing it. He sounds liek such an irrational person that there will be no ';talking it over';.
Under the circumstances I don't blame you for wanting to leave! Try to sit down with him first and have a talk with him. Tell him that you need his love and support. If he won't listen then just pack up after a few weeks and leave him with a note telling him that you tried to talk to him and he would not listen!
I was reading advice from couples last night who had been married 10+ years and what their ';secrets'; were. All of them said that their was no secret, it takes hard work. There were good years, but mostly bad years. The promise you made infront of god is something of great importance to you. You have kids...the only way you can be happy inlove is make yourself happy. Talk to him.
There are many things to consider before you decide to leave your husband.. You have kids.. they will be the one who will get affected once you leave..I know you deserve to be happy, but balance things out before you make any decision.

Make your kids as a priority, if your husband does'nt talk at all, find a way to communicate about the problem, and if nothing change, well just ignore him and just be with the kids..

Treasure your kids while they were young because once they get older you will never return back the time you and your kids spent together,
When you marry outside your nation you are asking for trouble. Divorce him and move on. It's no loss.
dump him and go get someone new. u deserve better..

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