So what's the reason we fall in love with the wrong people?

Is there a deeper meaning to it all, or is it just dumb choices?





I don't believe in the theory of ';we grow so we know what true love is';. Almost no one ever changes. What's the point of it all? Maybe theyre all the wrong people. I'm losing hope in love, romance, and women in general. Help change my mind, please. Please don't tell me how wonderful your wife/husband is.... That's depressing.So what's the reason we fall in love with the wrong people?
when we don't really get to know that person well, and don't bother to find things out, because we are so in lust with them, it usually does turn out wrong, when expectations don't meet with the reality one wants. when considering marriage it is wise to find out all u can, see that person during conflict also, so u will know that when theres conflict and there always is, u can see if that person handles conflict in a loving way and tries to resolve the trouble or if they run away. i think people are in a hurry to marry and never get to see the other side of the person, its also who they choose, its always best to pick a mate who is a christian. its best to find god first, do his will, and than god places u where u need to be to find the right person. when we try doing things on our own is when we run into meeting up with wrong people.So what's the reason we fall in love with the wrong people?
its all in your mind...you think you lose hope in love ---then surely you will! you think you lose hope in women-- AGAIN you surely will...its because you think of it that way..


but---please start loving everything---your car, your house, your job and everyone you meet... above all, God..


then youll wake one day shouting ---I LOVE THAT LADY I MET YESTERDAY...
There is no such thing as romance anymore. women still want the fantasy knight in shining armour. But they don't understand the pressure alot of things now adays that are put on men now...and it's tougher than ever to work, have a relationship etc.
Well we always want what we can't have for one.





U can't lose hope in love and u can't try and find love, u have to let it fnd u. I think as we get older we are desperate to find love so attack the first thing we have a little bit of feelings for. Can't act on impulse! People do change, it's finding that person that makes u wanna change.
Because you lost the love of your life and you think that there is not another person out there for you.





So you hook up with someone who you think truly loves you but you realise that they just wanted someone to hold hands with. You are So lost you marry them anyway and a year passes before you find out marrying them was a total was of your time.





But a lesson is learned and you take your time and live a little b4 you get into another serious relationship.





The moral of the story is take your time and live a little.
Help change your mind from losing hope in love, romance, and women in general?? I don't think we can do that. The problem isn't all women. The problem isn't love or romance.


The problem at this point is something inside of yourself that chooses to interpret some bad relationships with something being wrong with the world.





Here is the thing. There are billions of people out there in the world. Some of them are right for your. Many more are not such a good fit. You don't establish a great relationship with every person that you date, or even every person that you fall in love. with. Dating is about people trying each other on for size and seeing what they like. Most dating relationships don't turn into love and romance for both people. Until you can accept the fact that not every person you have strong feelings about is going to feel the same way about you, you are going to be a very unhappy and disappointed person.





Take your relationships slow, and take into account that the other person is evaluating who you are, and what, if anything, she likes about you. Coming off as a person who thinks there is something wrong with people, women, and love, is just going to send the message that maybe you aren't wired right and scare people off.
Desperation
I did a test that Deepak Chopra has and surprisingly, the things that I don't like in him are the things that I have in me; eye opening; I just didn't recognize that I need to fix me first to attract the right person; the old saying misery loves company , you don't even realize that you do it; you are attracted to your own weaknesses
Here is the problem. We are attracted to many many people in our life time. The problem is that we don't listen to our intuition and our common sense that tells us all the things about the other person that makes them ''not the right one''


We keep living the illusion. We want love so bad that we try to make it work. We mistake lust for love.


I am now married to my third husband. The first one was high school puppy love and wanting to get out of mommy and daddy's house. The second husband did not have a violent temper like the first but he was an a hole and very cruel and unkind after a while. I married him knowing that he was not everything I wanted but I thought that it was not possible to have everything in one person. The third and last was and is the first time that I have really been in real love. It is a healthy wonderful relationship. I met him when I was 48 yrs old.. It took me that long to find the real thing. I had other relationships in between and those were also lust, obsession and just trying not to be alone. I was ready to give up on it all too. When we met I had the attitude of just dating or hanging out for the sake of friendship not trying to make it turn into something else...but it did.


Learn to listen to your intuition.
well too bad you do not believe





so that means you are still in a childlike state and are stubborn ad refuse to change, and thus will never grow





or you have been hurt and burned before and thus disillusioned about love





but people do change





if you want to see the world with black colored glasses, that's your choice and as such you will always views things in a negative light





men pick up on this , and realize you are bitter and frustrated and have never fully healed and dealt with your past relationships, you drag your ';emo'; baggage where ever you go...


so what do you have to offer men? why would he even want to be with you?





figure that out and be more positive and men should not be a problem





but if you live in a fantasyland and choose accordingly, then you have no one else but yourself to blame for your poor choices in men
money or sex
We may fall in love with the right people, but greed and the corrupt family court system are set-up to destroy families nowadays.





I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage %26amp; having children is a scary proposition whether you live together or not.





Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women - that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and ';the dream'; aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source - some great books and other resources on just this issue.





Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children's lives while being an ATM machine for mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc... and worse - the children.





Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married. I would have given up my dream of having a family.





With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don't need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don't have to feel like being married anymore - and with that reality comes the truth - a marriage is no longer a contract, so what's the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone ';doesn't feel like it anymore?'; With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don't even see it coming), it's the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children... and that's a shame.





This affects men, women, and children alike. It affects everyone and people need to wake up to that reality. I know that there are lousy men and lousy fathers in this world - but make no mistake - the are plenty of lousy women and lousy mothers in this world and we should all be treated the same way (good or bad) and that simply isn't happening today.
It depends on the person, but I think it usually is the result of one or two things:





1st: People tend to seek out what they are familiar with, so they pick people who have the similar characteristics that previous mates, or even family members have. A lot of it is subconscious and some of it is intentional. Some even try to look at people who are a lot like themselves. That usually doesn't work.





2nd: People pick mates based on what they want them to be and not on who they are. For example, I used to seek out women who were a little racy and good looking. For some reason, I had decided that was the best type of girl out there because they were fun and exciting, fly by the seat of your pants types. After two disastrous marriages, I rethought my strategy and started looking at deeper characteristics.





Stop and take a look at patterns in your relationships, start thinking outside the box a bit. There are good guys out there for you, just be prepared to look at some you normally wouldn't have.
So many people think that they need to ';fall in love'; and want that swept off their feet kind of feeling, and when they don't get that feeling, they move on to another person. People these days have a really screwed up idea of what ';love'; is. A good relationship is based on relationship skills that have nothing to do with feeling crazy in love. Here is a bit of advice. If you meet a woman who tells you that she fights w/ her mother, her sisters, she hates this person and that, everyone does her wrong, etc. , then quickly move on. If she has really stressful relationships in other areas of her life, then you don't have a chance. She doesn't have good ';relationship skills';. Also, if you are unwilling to change, then you are pretty much doomed to never find love.
i think that we know deep down if it right or not we always have that gut feeling and it turns out that its always right....
There is no such thing as true LOVE. We start out in true LUST. If you lucky after awhile it simmers down to love and respect. If your Even lucky the burner stays at a low simmer and you still have a little lust in there. But most the time it meta-morphs into a deep comfort. You just cant think of any other place you would like to be and your glad to be there. But love in its self is an ever changing event and sometimes who you thought you loved you are only fond of in the end. But love is definitely something to experience. So don't be afraid just do it.


By the way I think a great deal of these people dont read the questions before they answer do they?
Weren't you the one who was up until early am complaining that when you tried to discuss things like having a date night that your husband ';started a fight'; saying things like ';you are always on the computer';? I ask because it appears he was right about that.
its called ';lust'; not ';love';
It is because you can't control love no matter how hard you try!!! I laugh at women that say he's a good man, he's this and he's that like they are trying to sell you a car. They try to force themselves to love the ';good man'; IT DOES NOT WORK!!!
You don't ';fall in love';. You fall in lust. Love is a choice that you make each and every day. You know the drill.


A person comes up to a man and his wife and asks for money and the guy shoots and kills the husband. After a while the woman forgives the killer sitting in jail for she has chosen to ';love'; the killer enough to forgive him.


Your spouse falls into a debilitating disease like MS, ALS, cancer, etc.......... and the other does not walk away because the sick one cannot provide one's needs anymore. You choose to love, because that's what you said you would do.


When the husband loses his job, your child is killed, you lose your house in foreclosure, your spouse becomes addicted to drugs, porn, gambling, etc.... and you stay with them because you daily choose to love them.


You are quite correct that ';almost no one ever changes'; for it's not about changing the other to meet your needs, but accepting the other person with all their faults and quirky crap. This is the truth of relationship and what draws two people into the deep and mysterious place we call intimacy. No one else knows of these personal secrets but the lovers. The more you can share yourself with the other - the more you will find this ';love'; thing grow.


There are no wrong people to fall in love with. You are called to love EVERYONE. Just some, a few and only one different than all the rest. Make the choice to love your daily bread and you will be transformed.


Now do you get the point?
This is what a friend told me last night:


People look for certain criteria in a mate. Example Blue eyes, make good income, outgoing...


If you go out with someone and they don't have MOST of the criteria you are looking for...it won't work. You think that they will grow into what you want....


Good-Luck
I disagree with you when you said ';almost no one ever changes.'; You have to think of when you were 20 (not sure of your age now, assuming older)... You were not as wise as you are now.. you decisions and answers may have been cloudy but as the years go on you get a better idea of you truely want in you life. I'm not saying you were married at 20 but i'm just trying to explain that people do change, they grow, they get wiser and hopefully learn from past experiences. So, with that said i don't think there is a straight answer as to why people fall in love with the wrong person. Hind sight is 20/20 and if we knew then what know now you wouldn't be asking this question.


Why are you losing hope? Is it because you have dated, married or been involved with someone who was not right for you? Well, all i can say to that is soemtimes it takes a person a little longer to find that ';other half'; but I do believe there is someone out there for you and everyone else who is single. As corny as that sounds, there just has to be. We are all in the end just looking for someone to walk through life with, hand in hand, it doesn't matter if find that at 20 or 40. Good luck!
It's life isn't it. Some relationships work out %26amp; some don't. I'm not going to depress you ,because my abusive ex was no saint. But I learned alot from the relationship. And though I am not looking for love right now. No way am I going to give up on romance or finding that special someone.