We met and started dating when I was 19 and he was 31. I fell head over heels for him right away and we moved in together after shortly after my 20th birthday, about 9 months after we starting seeing each other. We spent the next 6 years living together.
Something happened a little over a year ago though. I started talking to a guy that I worked with and became highly attracted to him. I couldn't stop thinking about him and there just seemed to be this undeniably strong connection between us. We had so much in common and I just wanted to know more and more about him. I thought I'd try the friends route, thinking it may satisfy my wanting to know him more and we did some activities together outside of work. We hung out with mutal friends and had drinks and dinner a few times, but it didn't satisfy me and I wanted to see him alone.
We started texting each other all the time and flirting with one another. He knew I had a boyfriend but I don't think he knew how serious we were. Well, one day after meeting for lunch he was giving me a ride and he kissed me. It was unlike any other way I had ever been kissed in my whole life. It was like we were made to kiss each other. Nothing short of perfect. So started the most exciting relationship of my life.
We tried to see each other any time we could. We would meet at his house on days I had off and my boyfriend was at work. Every moment we spent together was filled with love and laughter. Like we had known each other our whole lives. I tried to keep my feeling light, but I was in love with him almost immediately. He was like a best friend I could tell anything to and always made me laugh. I didn't want him to know how I felt bc I didn't think I was anything more then a fling to him. He was in the military and getting ready to leave in a few months. My relationship with my boyfriend was a sure stable thing and we shared a house and even a dog together. I knew it would have to end.
So I was the one who actually ended up moving, with my boyfriend to another state for 6 months to be with my family.
I thought the relationship with this other man and my feelings would just end as well, but we ended up talking, emailing and texting the whole time I was gone for 6 months. In my heart I wanted to be with him so badly. I tried to force my feelings for him away. I tried to have those feelings with my boyfriend instead.
After 6 months we moved back to where we were before. In the time while we were gone my boyfriend had proposed to me and I said yes. He was who I had wanted to marry for the last 6 years. I thought the feelings I felt for the other man would just fade away.
I was so wrong. When we moved back I was trying to do the ';just friends'; thing with this other man. When we had talked, emailed or texted while I was gone it was in friendly ways not romantic. So when I moved back he asked to meet with me and I agreed because I wanted to tell him face to face that I had gotten engaged.
Well that never came up because when I met with him after a hug he looked into my eyes and gave me one of those smoldering absolutely one of a kind amazing kisses, and I was speechless. He then told me how he had done nothing but miss me and think about me the entire time I was away. My heart was bursting! He had felt exactly how I felt! The whole time! I couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, that I was engaged, btw I didn't have a ring yet if your wondering. He looked in my eyes and told me he loved me. That he actually had fallen in love with me before I left but he didn't say anything because I had a boyfriend. I didn't know what to do! I was so in love with him, but the wedding was already in motion with my boyfriend and i didn't want to disappoint my family and friends who loved my boyfriend. So what did I do? I was too scared to do anything so I led a double life for the next 5 months up to the wedding. There was such a strong pull between myself and this other man that we spent as much time as we could together. I did tell him i had gotten engaged btw, but blinded by love for one another it didn't stop us from seeing one another. He spent our time together trying to convince me to leave my fiance and to be with him. The problem was it would've been the hugest leap of faith in my life. He didn't even have a steady job and he was waiting on the military to send him to a special school and barely making ends meet. If I were 19 again with nothing to loose I'd have done it in a heartbeat. But I had a whole life and circle of friends that didn't even know him. He's very straight edge, barely even drinks and my friends and fiance are all quite the opposite.
So the next 5 months we picked up exactly where we had left off, seeing each other as much as possible. And him constantly trying to change my mind about marriage to my fI fell in love with someone else and still married my husband?
you are not in love with your husband. You have to FACE that fact. You may care for him a lot but you're not in love with him. Regardless of this other guy, you should leave your husband. You're never going to be happy with him. Maybe you'll end up with the other guy and maybe not. Either way is better than languishing away with someone you're lukewarm about. you can't fake passion or deep love. You'll be settling for exteriors if you stay, and the interior will be empty and dark. You need to find out more about yourself before commiting to the other guy but you also need to leave your husband before you have kids. Once you have kids its too late, Right now you still have a chance to get out and let him find someone who adores him. Its unfair to him NOT to do so.I fell in love with someone else and still married my husband?
What happened???
Report Abuse
well, ur not in love with neither of them. if your truly in love with someone you'd ONLY love them. if i were u i'd take a break from the both of them and decide whats best for u.
Why did you get yourself into such a mess... you're already married now.. so put that man behind you and enjoy ur life with your husband.
how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot..tell the guy goddbye and stay married.
too long.
It's just way too long to read.
In a nutshell-
Make yourself happy. Go for it
Forget him, YOU chose to be married.
Concentrate on your husband. You chose him for a reason.
If you don't love him - make a decision in your life and don't just go with the flow this time.
I can tell you're the kind of person that is never happy or satisfied in her life - you're incapable of getting what you want because you don't try.
You just go where the wind takes you.
you know a lot of people might look down on you ,but your human and your heart doesn't lie.what your doing is lying to yourself you love the unknown... it will catch up to you and you will be left alone,you never know does he what you because he cant have you and you the same???????that is some thing you have to figure out and only you know the answer so look deep.
Ok, now that my eyes are crossed from all the verbiage....bottom line...at the end of the day are you really happy with your';future husband';?
MAke yourself happy..don't make someone else miserable because then you both will live a very unhappy life and torment each other and especially if you bring a child into that unhappy marriage....';then what';
get over it and be happy....dont worry be happpy
Stay loyal to your husband. Whatever happened before the marriage should not have to matter anymore. You are a wife now. People should respect that. No use mulling over such things when you have a new role to live up to. What would your husband think knowing that you are having such thoughts?
That would hurt him real bad. What if it was him doing this to you?
You need to know who you are now, and knowing this, will help you stay away from distractions such as this. Concentrate on making your marriage work. Do your best.
I was once in a similar situation. What eventually happened was the feeling I had for the other guy took over and I had to get divorced. It is not a good idea to be married to someone and have feelings for someone else. You probably don't want to hurt your husbands feelings but he deserves to be with someone who truly loves him and only him, and if your feelings for the other guy are so strong then follow your heart.
You can spin this any way you want. You can try to convince yourself that the man you're engaged to is the one you should be with. But...the bottom line is you'll never forget the one you love. You'll constantly think of him and you may not think so right now but it will have an effect on your marriage. At some point and time it will show up in the way you handle your marriage. Where your heart is...that's where your treasure is.
You obviously need the ';cushion'; and security of a man in your life. Why would you be with one guy and then cheat with the other? You're trying to have your cake and eat it too....and now you're screwed.
First of all, How could you not feel guilty enough that you still said yes to his proposal. how could you sleep at night next to this man you say i love you too, when you feel it for someone else, how could you look at your husband everyday and think i wish you were someone else. Sometimes the chance of ending up alone is better then hurting someone for so long, sure he doesnt know but eventually he will find out and you would have wasted however many years it is you wasted all because of your own insecurities. For all you know he missed out on someone who could really love him because you were so busy pretending. I hope after reading this you cant sleep at night im sorry, but my dad did that to my mother and it killed her for many years.
No comments:
Post a Comment