I have been married to my husband over a year. Since he been back from Iraq things has changed. He use to blame me for making him feel so alone while he was oversea. He use to tell me I barely sent him things while he was deployed. Now, I was 3 months pregnant when he left. I had to stop working when I was 5 months pregnant, I was having allot of problems in my pregnacy so my doctor put me on bed rest. I sent him several boxes plus his friend who didn't have family. I explain to him that I wasn't able to move around as much as I could before. He even knew this, because when he was home before he left I could barely walk 15min before feeling tired and my blood pressure rising. Not to mention while he was deployed I was making arrangements for our family to move so when he made it home he had somewhere to go. We now been living together over a year now.Things were real tough between us for a long while. It gotten to the point I was about to divorce him. The day I was going down to the court house to file for our divorce, he called his uncle (his uncle is a pastor) and talked to him about some of the things that were going on between us and that I was heading down to court house to file for our divorce. Well, his uncle called me and wanted to get my side of the story, so when I made it home and we both were together I explain to his uncle that I couldn't take nomore from him. He was always blaming me for the way he was feeling over there, since he been back home he has been so rude to me, he even called me dumb, stupid, didn't help me with our daughter, or even out around the house. I have apolgize to him for the way I made him feel over there, but I also explain him that I wasn't doing these things on purpose. I just weren't able to do as much. After we had a long conversation with his uncle, his uncle agreed that every single thing that came out of my mouth that he was wrong about. After that talked my husband and even came to me and said he shouldn't been blaming me for the way he was feeling. So since then things were perfect up until a month ago. He slowly started back falling in his ways. When he would get upset so quick, I did bring it to his attention that I notice he would be quick to get upset over nothing. We had a big arugment one night and he got so upset that he was verbally abusive towards me. He was calling me dumb, stupid, ghetto, and even told his mom and I over heard him telling her I was dumb and stupid. I pointed out to him that he really hurt my feeling and made me feel low. Well, after that fight between us he went 8 days without talking to me, he told me he didnt have time to talk to me, but he was calling and talking to everybody else. One night I couldn't take no more and really told him how I felt, I mean I was crying and hurt. The next day he sent me this long email and he apologize for what he did and said. I had this job offer in another state that I was considering taken. I just didn't feel the love no more in our marriage and I also felt that if a man (husband) loved his wife they wouldn't treat her this way. He told me that if I wanted our marriage to work that I wouldn't even considering going. He will be getting station to another area some time next year and he didn't know what that would do for us. So, I prayed about it and turned the job down. Well, just this past week he did the same old thing. He was telling me I had no taste in style, that's why ever thing I think is nice for our house he always turns down. He started talking about my wardrobe, the places I shop for clothes. That he think high about life and I think like good wheel things. He will always tell me how this other women is dressed nice and that's how he want me to dress. I never had a problem with that until, lately he just don't make me feel good about my self. I love to have nice things, but we been on a tight budget that I haven't had the opportunity to go out and get the things I like. He always tell me I shop to expensive.
I'm just trying to get some advice. I do love my husband and he is a great father, but I don't think I can continue to let him treat me this way. I'm seriously thinking about leaving him. Since that night I can't stand to even look at him.I need some advise from military wives. How do you deal with your husband always downing you.?
Why have you made this question specific to Army wives? I am one and I can't see that your dysfunctional marriage has anything to do with your husband's job. Rather more that he has barely been married a year, already has a child and is landed with a wife who didn't support him through a deployment. You have both made a mistake. Time to leave.I need some advise from military wives. How do you deal with your husband always downing you.?
I don't think your husband will become another John Allen Muhammad.
While I am not make excuses for his behavior or, looking for a scapegoat, I do think, your husbands time in the military should be brought up in counseling.
Not as a way of saying, your husband should get a discharge or, that he is solely to blame for his behavior.
But to say that, his military service has affected his behavior.
Look into seeing a therapist as a couple, stationed on the base.
I think much of this may be due to the normal stress of the deployment, and he really might have some issues. You should try any counseling the military offers. My husband has been in the Army almost 4 years and returned from his first deployment in April. It took a couple months after he got back to readjust, but we took advantage of all the couples activities and had a couple sessions with a therapist just to be ahead of the game. It sounds like there may be some issues between you that have nothing to do with the military. If you feel like your marriage is worth saving, you really need to put all the work you can into it. Hear him out if he feels like talking and try to talk to him as calmly as possible about your feelings. Communication is the only way to get through this.
Hi tiffany.
well that is one hell of a story.. first off, no man should ever treat you those ways but unfortunately, we are in a different type of world. we are in the lovely army family. i cant really relate to you 100% but after basic training, my husband changed alot... he lost his emotions and seems to get mad more easily... now hes preparing of his first deployment.. they leave in Dec for a year. i can go on and on about him and how is he is acting but that wont help anything.. all i know is, ive had a very hard time dealing with this crap too.. he doesnt make me feel loved and cared for anymore and he dsnt do the little thing... i used to always get mad at him and bring it up and it caused fights but now i realize that hes going to war, there is chance he wont come back... life is short and we cant fight about stupid things... now you have to realize the things your husband went thru while he was over there. i dont know if he talks to you about it but there are things he has seen and gone thru that you will never understand.. have you thought about counseling?? it will probably help you guys alot and i dont know if hes active but if he is, you know this wont be his last deployment so you really need to stick together as a family and realize that hes not the man you married.. hes changed and you have to accept that.. there are no excuses for the way hes treating you but now all you can do is help him.. he needs you more than ever thats probably why hes acting like that.. its weird how we do those things.. just try to stick with him and help.. do everything possible you can before you think about divorce.. thats just the easy way out and you might regret it.
maybe he's been effected by his duty in iraq and might need a psych eval to get some meds for being bi-polar!
i'm not trying to be funny either. he may actually need help.
iesunburns
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