Friday, August 20, 2010

Husband said he ';fell out of love'; then took it back?

I have been married for almost 4 years, and we just had a baby. Well, everything has been totally fine in our relationship except I was wondering why my husband doesn't get me flowers for no reason or write me sweet notes like he used to. He never compliments me just says ';you look fine.'; when I ask, as if just to get me out the door faster. I still compliment him and pick him up small things here and there though.

So Sunday it dawned on me ';Maybe he just doesn't love you like he used to and that is why he doesn't do anything romantic like before.'; I asked him why he doesn't do the sweet things he used to, and he said ';I don't know'; (a typical him answer. He doesn't really like talking about anything emotional). So I asked ';I know you obviously love me as a person but are you still in-love with me? like romantically?'; And he said no!!! Then I asked for how long and he said a while... probably around the time our some was born(3 months ago). Another question I asked him was ';Knowing our relationship the way it is today, would you still marry me?'; and he said probably not!!! This went on for about 45 mins, then when I decided to finally cry, he ';changed his mind';. He said he thought that I was out of love with him, so he was playing off of that. ( I kinda don't believe him). Then he said he is just stressed b/c he is in a police academy and it's stressful and when he comes home he just doesn't want to deal with the baby crying or me and tunes us out. He continued to take back everything he said, and then said he was sorry and wants to be a better husband that I deserve, blah blah blah... has been hugging me and saying I love you on the phone. It just seems fake now that he had said all that. How can you say you fell out of love with me then just take it back? My husband is not typically a douche bag, so this took me by surprise. He is actually usually sweet.

My question is, it has been 2 days, and today I told him I was still upset by what he said on Sunday, he again said he wishes he could take it back and he didn't mean it. Should I believe him or do you think deep down he really meant it? What should I do? I wouldn't feel so locked down if I didn't just have the baby! I would like your truthful opinion even if it hurts.Husband said he ';fell out of love'; then took it back?
That's a tough one. I mean, maybe he is really stressed out. They say marriages go through phases, so maybe this is one of those phases, I mean having a baby must be an adjustment. I wouldn't push him on this one. I wouldn't act like everything is fine either. Just notice that actions speak louder than words and after he's out of the academy see how things change or go back to normal. Then maybe you could do something sweet that you haven't done in a while...something that will remind him of when you first met. But not yet..right now give him some space and don't worry yourself jumping to conclusions. Show him that you're a strong woman and that you care about him but he needs to show you he's the man you need him to be.Husband said he ';fell out of love'; then took it back?
honey give him some slack the police academy is stressful he slipped n took it back he loves ya girl stop getting upset
That's not right at all. There's no excuse for what he did at all, especially his remark about his baby (they cry, duh!). Just let him keep working for it, and trust your gut.
Foot in sack time!
He IS being stressed out! It's not so easy being a cop. Give him some time; he'll come around.
Poor man. He's got a hormonal wife asking him daft questions, a new baby and a new job...cut him some slack!
Don't overreact, he's totally stressed, your stressed as well with a new baby in the house. It' will heal, my husband has had some hurtful things but men don't think before they speak. Women usually do... and speak with emotion. Men think without that and frankly can sometimes be simple minded and keep that factor out...
Why would you do that to him? And why would you hurt yourself like that?

When you ';drill'; a man like that, you are looking for trouble where there isn't any. You asked for it. Why don't you consider him for a minute.....he is under stress and in a new career and with a new baby and an insecure wife. Wow.....I feel bad for him.

So you go ';talk'; at him till his face melts.....and you wonder why he said the things he did???? I would have done the same thing.

Look at it from his perspective.....nothing he would have said would have made you secure. Even if he did say the ';right'; thing, you would have wondered if he truly meant it and than in a week you would be in his face again.

Find yourself....learn to love yourself, for yourself. And lighten up and realize that it is not HIS job to make you happy.....a man adds to your life and happiness.....he is NOT to be it. If you expect your husband to make you will end up feeling betrayed because nothing he can do will make you happy...and it becomes an ugly cycle.

You need to apologize to him. And try to be the kind of wife that he would WANT to come home to. Try making him laugh once in a while.

Most men just want their wives to be content and feel loved. And in your keep looking for a problem with your marriage and with your husband....and it isn't is you and the stress of a new career.

You wanted honesty....I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but I tell it like it is and psychologically....a therapist would tell you the same thing.
people can say mean things sometimes but do not mean it not really forget about the statement an u be as sweet as you can to him men or so different then us girls. take lots of time for him an pet him he feels left ed out since the baby come .be the sort of wife that he can't wait to get home to laugh have something going he likes good movie or go some place for a drink or ice cream keep the house clean meals cooked have your self looking nice an remember dont nag an nag there if women out there just waiting to grab him make his home so good that he would not want to leave it ..grow up an make time for him most men do not like to hear crying baby's have rules for your self an stick to them . ok?
You said he said this over a 45 minute period so he didn't just blurt it out!

He had almost an hour to think about this and said it anyway.

People say things in anger all the time so maybe he didn't mean it but he did say it. I've been angry with my husband several times over the past 19 years but never said I didn't love him anymore. Only you can know if how he treats you is real.

I would give it some time and allow him the chance to make an honest effort to regain your trust.
I believe he is in love with you, when some men are stressed they talk mean and take it out on the one they love. Women are always ready to discuss our emotions, even at 3 o'clock in the morning, but men are usually different. A lot of times his job stresses him out so much he'll seem to disconnect from his wife.
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