SO hurt!!!! Is it possible to spoil your husband? Why doesn't he understand?

My husband and I have been in a fight last night and he has said things that have really really saddened, hurt, and upset me beyond belief. I feel really sick to my stomach right now and have been crying my eyes out for the past half hour...!!





My husband is a total neat freak and last night got frustrated with me over something stupid (that I put tissues in my sweater that get put in the laundry that causes a mess) and proceeded to go off on a tyrade about how I am...';SELFISH';. That comment really drove a knife through my heart because if there is one thing that I am NOT it is selfish!!!!!!!! I do everything for him, whether it is cooking big meals everyday of the week (I am a full time grad student), giving him advise, comforting him, helping him through his problems, waking up at 5 in the morning with blood shot eyes to make sure he has a nice big breakfast before his exam, constantly thinking about him, worrying about him, I could go on and on!!! There are many wives that don't do all that I do but unfortunately he just doesn't recognize it. I really think I have spoiled him rotten with my love and sincerity and it is coming back to hurt me.





I have put up so much with his abusive mother and family; my family has stepped in and done beyond what ANY family would be required to do. My mother has supported him emotionally by spending hours on the phone with him comforting him, encouraging him, giving us a place to stay for free for months on end. They gave him their nicest car so that he could use it to drive to school. They have bought us endless amount of food and groceries. They are always so kind and welcoming. Especially in light of the completely opposite treatment we get from the other side.


Today, he got into an argument about something petty then all of a sudden (and I don't remember how this came about) he started to talk about how I, like my family, make his life ';difficult'; (huh?!?!? how???) and he started giving these silly, petty examples like how when he was trying to plan a vacation nobody went along with it and he ended up wasting hours of his time and in the end it fell through (despite the fact that nobody asked him to do this and I told him it wasnt possible because my grandmother was very ill - she eventually died during the time the vaca was planned for:(.


Anyway, the thing I don't GET is how my husband is so stupid to not see all that we have done for him. I really think I have spoiled him with unconditional love, support and feel so betrayed. I don't know if I can get over his words and somehow, I don't think he cares?


I have always known that he was the type of person that didn't ';get'; people to well or was one of those people w not the greatest social skills - but now I am seeing this trait come back to haunt me as I almost feel like my own husband of a year and a half doesn't know me!!!!!!


Someone help, please!SO hurt!!!! Is it possible to spoil your husband? Why doesn't he understand?
hi


sounds like your husband and mine might be related.


I had an arranged marraige. My husband married me for my money and passport, although i was too naive to realise for several years. It took him a few yrs to get his qualifications to practise as a dr here in the uk, his dad died a few yrs ago and he is the oldest son, so i spent a few years sending money back to his family and supporting him with driving lessons, exam fees etc etc. He spoilt his family rotten and built them a house over in pakistan with MY money, my dad bought us a house and refurbished it top to bottom (beautiful 4 bedroom detached). Now all he and his family can say is you haven't done anything for us,we could have got to where we are today without you, he doesn't realise sooooo many drs from overseas live for yrs in crappy hospital accomodation and can't afford the luxuries he has gotten used to.





I agree you have to train them from the start, the problem is when you are newly married and in love you would do everything and anything in the world for your spouse.





I'm not sure what o advise you to do from here except stop all the stuff you and your family have been doing for him. He is an ungrateful jerk and only until you have removed those favours he will not learn. Good luck.SO hurt!!!! Is it possible to spoil your husband? Why doesn't he understand?
If you have tried everything and everything has failed, then get a divorce.
I like the first answerer! Go get a man who can take care of himself. You don't need a baby that needs to be taken care of by your family. I'm sorry but your husband is a loser and you deserve better.
I'm sorry.I hope things work out for you but I think there will be a divorce in your future and I hope your parents don't spend anymore money on this loser.You need to get on with your life and let him be happy alone.Good luck.
He is the selfish one. He sounds like he must have been terribly spoilt as a child and now he expects that from you. Please don't think this is your problem because it isn't, it is his. You have given him your love support and unconditional love, and that isn't enough for him and unfortunately until he realises that he is the one with the problem, things will never change and will probably get worse. You have to either leave him and suggest counceling to reconcile, or if he won't do that, just go. You %26amp; your family sound too nice a people to be treated like this. Your lovely parents probably see all this but will support you to the end if it is your choice, so ask them truly what THEY think and don't be afraid of their answer and respect them for their honesty. I have been where you are now!!


Much love


Ally
Here is my suggestion you need to leave for about a week, leave him be, you will realize that you do not need him, you sound like a great woman to me, I wish my wife was just like you, even if I do not know you, you sound very sincere. GOOD LUCK!
I can honetly see were your coming from but men are not made like us woman we are much more loving@mothering maybe you need to be less mothering@understanding sit down and talk to him tell how he makes you feel let him know you will not put up with his childish behaviors reasure him that you love and that you will be by his side but that you have feeling too.
A husband should be understanding and tolerant to things he doesn't like, not fly off the handle! You deserve a man who respects you and who loves you for the person you are. It it possible to spoil your husband, but I wouldn't put any blame on yourself for not being perfect. He needs to be more tolerant and understanding that you are a normal woman not superwoman. Sit down and speak with him about how you're feeling - mention it in ';I'; manner - ';I feel'; ';I am hurt when'; try not to use ';You'; it puts them on the defensive. Good luck! Be more gentle with yourself! You deserve it!
listen sweetheart, u seemed to have married my ex. sorry hun just joking!!! these type of men r like worms who only suck blood and don't appreciate anything. talk to him if he doesn't change his attitude i would say leave him before u plan to have kids etc. i did and trust me it only feels good. u don't deserve this. a man who loves u will give equally to the relationship. goodluck