Monday, August 16, 2010

How to recover you love for your husband after he cheats?

my husband cheated on me. We decided to try and work things out. Here is the issue. I have it in my head that he was going to walk out on our marriage. He says that isn't so. Weve been working on us and he is really trying to make things right between us, but I still can't seem to let my guard down. I want to but I just can't every time I catch myself letting go I think about the whole situation and my guard comes right back up. I love him, but it is just so hard for me to tell him now. I keep thinking that maybe there is something better for me out there. I have always thought I settled when I married him. sometimes I don't even want to be married anymore. I don't know. Have I fallen out of love with him and just to scared to move on. I use to want to be with him all of the time now I would rather spend time with my friends. I just don't trust him my family thinks that I am bein to hard on him. what do you guys think?How to recover you love for your husband after he cheats?
The heart takes time to heal when it is torn in two pieces.How to recover you love for your husband after he cheats?
You answered your own question. You love him, but don't trust him. You are afraid to let your guard down, because you don't want to get hurt again. It is a defence mechanisium. You think there may be something better out there, gee, maybe that's what he thought also, and where did that get anyone. You need to stop and think about what you really want, and be honest with yourself. If you need to start dating each other and see if you can find out what drew you together the first time.
Well, this affair destroyed your trust in your husband; that's what affairs do. Since love is very much based on trust, it's often very hard to get beyond an affair. You have to really WANT to, and even then, it's a LOT of work. I hope you are working with a marriage counselor and are discussing this issue openly with him or her. I wish you the best of luck.
first thing first DO U WANNA BE IN LOVE WITH HIM..if so them sit down and talk to each other.. the main thing in a marriage is communication look each other in the eyes when talkin and tell each other how you feel about the whole marriage and then really get out the dos and donts and if you think yall havent gotten anywhere seek a therapist
I have sure never been able to get over it and I tried and tried. It's an ugly thing and extremely difficult to forgive and forget. Men usually don't even try they just end it move on. They will not tolerate it like women do. Personally I think it's very degrading to accept unacceptable behavior. I don't plan to stay and will be gone soon.
I think you should go see a therapist by yourself without him and talk about how you feel and try to figure out what is truly best for you and your life
you have to fix the reason he cheated on you.
I've been where you are and it's not easy. You have to look at what you have invested in the relationship. You have to speak frankly about your feelings, your fears, the insecurities. Those are normal. I found out about his affair over a year ago. It has taken some work, he still works hard to reassure me. I believe that I work hard to accept his sincere efforts to show me that he loves me. Sometimes for no reason the feelings come rushing back. If it is too bad, I sit down with him and explain what set it off. We talk about it. Things are much better now. We had been married over 20 years when this happened. That is a lot of years to just let go. We've worked through things and I believe our relationship is better. I think we now talk at a much deeper level than ever before. I wish it had never happened, but we worked through it. Our relationship is better and I think we weathered that storm. I think of my Grandparents married for 65 years. Those couldn't have always been good times, but they made it! Marriage is not easy and you both have to want to work at it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
No sweety your feelings are just right! I am in the same boat but my husband have cheated on me several times, I am even raising his little girl, OK now you think I am crazy, but this little girl once was visiting and she knew me good and she told me all about the abused and molestation she endure while living with her mother so we took her he court gave my husband permanent custody of his daugther, he swears that now is different and that he is not cheating anymore, but like you I can not trust him my guards are always up and this could be difficult to deal with, but I have no choice now because the tragedy of what happened to this child is so sad that I feel she can not make it without me. So I stayed but I feel the same as you, do I love my husband I honestly do not know I just take it one day at a time honey, I know how it feels. Good luck.
Oh sweetie, you are only guilty of being human. You are not the first nor the last who has been through this. Right now you are understandably confused. He betrayed your trust, and that will take a very long time to recover from if at all. He needs to understand that is a consequence of his actions. You did not give ';his'; reason for cheating. Does he feel like you settled and he needed to feel needed or valued? This is no excuse for his action; however, you two will need to get to the root of your marital problems before you can regain any kind of a healthy relationship. I would suggest counseling. The counselor might suggest a separation. This will give both of you time to work on your issues. It will help you have the space you need to figure out what you want for your life. There is no easy or quick fix for this situation. For now, you need to evaluate how you feel and why (keep a journal), take care of your health (stress causes all kinds of med. problems to creep up) and make sure you sleep and eat well, recognize that any rollercoaster ride you take with emotions is normal, and express yourself with your husband and support group. Good luck, honey. I'll be rooting for you!
He betrayed you. You are not being too hard on him. You need time to heal from this. You need to have all your questions answered and he needs to tell you anything you need to know. You still love him, but you will never feel that exact same ';love'; you felt before because things have changed now that he crossed the line. But there is hope. It takes alot of hard work and time. Does he still love you? If so, then you have to take that at face value. He loves you and you love him and marriage is hard work. You have to learn to trust him again. Its not easy but gradually over time that will be restored. You have to forgive him and move on and make your marriage stronger than it was before.

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