How do you know if you have fallen out of love with your husband?

I've been with my husband for 10 years and although I love him dearly, he often drives me mad with his jealousy and to be honest he is pushing me away by ruling my life. I just don't know what to do, I don't want to hurt him, but I know I am only going to get to live this life once and I do feel unhappy. If anyone has been in a similar situation or ever had an affair and ended up leaving their long term partner / husband I would really appreciate your perspective.How do you know if you have fallen out of love with your husband?
Hi Sandie,





I 've been with my hubby for 8 years. He is a green eye monster, abusive (verbal and physical), try ways and means to change me into ';his prefect wife'; and many more. I put up with this for my son and for the love I have for him. I don't argue or fight when he does, cos it will only provoke him further... I do my very best to save the marriage...





Till one day, I realized that I can't save my marriage anymore... I lost the strength, I am getting older and my son is getting bigger each passing day... I gotta save myself, my innocent kid, my sanity....





Before it all ended and when my world was at a total lost, I had an affair... (I am still consider his wife by religion hence it will still be taken as an affair) I felt I deserved to love and be love in return. I have so much to give and am thankful that I have found some1 to share it with. ..





Good luck girl, remember, when you can no longer save your marriage, please save yourself before you too fall apart like your marriage...How do you know if you have fallen out of love with your husband?
Staying just to make him happy will pull you down even more.





A contol freak, will never change, believe me.





Work towards leaving, don't rush, work things out in your head because you could leave yourself open for more abuse. Excuse the phrase but if a man is that controlling..........





Just don't go, without some forward planning, you have to know what YOU want to do next!!!
I know you must be troubled. I ended my marriage about three years ago and told him it was because I had fell out of love with him. It wasn't because he was jealous or controlling but he didn't want to spend any time with me and eventually I grew tired of it. I loved him 150% but after time it began to wear off. I tried to warn him but he brushed me off and in the end he acted like I devastated him by ending our relationship. I admit I had already been looking elsewhere for companionship before my marriage ended. I desired attention and he wasn't given me any. Leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do and it's been very difficult for me. I've had a lot of trouble dating after my divorce. It's been three years and I know I still have feelings for my ex, but not the same way I did before. I've tried to move on but it's so hard to let go. I would suggest you really think about it before you make your final decision, especially if you have kids.
Sorry to say -


but if these kind of thoughts are in your mind, and you're on here asking us, you probably have fallen out of love w/ him.


It happens.
You know that you fallen out of love with your husband when you feel this upset. A marriage is supposed to be an equal partnership and not that someone does all the deciding and the other just follows. If he gets jealous, tell him that unless he starts letting you rule your own life, that he is really the only man in your life. He is only acting this way because he cares for you too much, loves you too much, and wants to be the only man to be yours. A friend of mine had this situation and she decided to get a divorce. Now, she is a happy, cheerful woman and made a pretty wise decision.
Only you can answer this. Just remember 10 years is a long time, and marriage is not always easy. Communication is everything. Maybe you just need to sit down and talk about things.





With that said, if you thinks things are over... don't have an affair, that is not what he deserves if you really don't want to hurt him then just get a separation.
You sound confused, you ask how does one know if they have fallen out of love with their husband, then you start off by saying you love him dearly. Having an affair and the situation you have put here, are two different things, so why you would ask about people having an affair is beyond me, unless you are having one. If that is the case, then that is really sad that you would blame your loss of love for your husband on him, when you are not trying to keep it together. Understand if you go for the guy you are having the affair with, you are going to man who has no morals, and he will know that he has a girlfriend that would cheat, not a good relationship to be in.
just being unhappy isn't a reason to end a 10 year marriage.....step back and look at what matters...you love him dearly and he loves you...talk to him about his jealousy, nicely and not in a way that makes him defensive, don't be accusatory.....I'd work it out with him........
When I knew I didn't like my husband anymore...Anytime I saw him I would get pissed, and when he would open his mouth I would always say something mean back even if he was saying something sweet.I still loved him and missed him when he was gone, but when he was around he made me sick to my stomach.
Your husband can only rule your life if you allow him to do so. I recommend you take better care of yourself, and behave more assertively with him. Sure, give him reassurances, but don't allow his jealousy to restrict your social contacts or prevent you from enjoying life. Take back your right to do what you want to do. His jealousy is his problem, and your mistake has been to make it your problem. Once you take back your personal power, your resentment of your husband will decline, and the path will be open to fall back in love.
My wife had been with me for 9 yrs, she felt the same way, if only she had talked to me we could of sorted out our problems. In stead she never spoke for four weeks, then we argued and it all came flooding out. She asked me to leave. after three weeks she wanted me back


She made me say goodbye to my kids will never forgive her for that? so know we are going through a divorce.


Talk to him? tell him how you feel. at least everything will be out in the open and you may be able to save your marriage.


If not at least you know were you stand and can start a new life





good luck, hope it goes well
You know when you have to ask.
You will know when everything about him irrates you ie the way he eats, walks, talks and so on. Think hard before you throw away 10 years, but if you really are unhappy do something about it. Your right you only get one chance and you have to make the most of it. Good Luck.
I think you need to take action now before you do fall out of love with him.





How have you allowed him to rule your life for 10 years?





Is it a case of you let him rule your life before and didn't mind, but now you're wanting your freedom? Or is it that he's tried to rule your life for 10 years, but you haven't let him, and now you're fed up of him trying?





Why is he jealous? Have you ever given him reason to be.





Never, ever have an affair to get out of a relationship. It's cowardly, it's immature, it's weak, it's hurtful, it's messy and it's a very bad idea. If you're already having an affair, then decide who you want and stick to one of them.





The only way you can help this situation is to talk to your husband. There must be a lot of love between you if you've been married for 10 years .





You need to tell him once and for all that he can't control you. Sit him down and explain to him that his jealousy is driving you away. It might be just the shock he needs to make him look at his actions.





Either way, you can't live in this stifled way, with him watching and dictating your every move. Speak to him, and if he is not willing to trust you, then you might have to consider moving on.





xx Emmie
This has nothing to do with you. This is his own insecurities. In reality you do know what to do. Don't think about it so much. Why do you care about not hurting him when he is the one not caring how you feel and he continues to hurt you. Happiness comes within yourself. He can not take that away from you or give it to you. After 6 years of marriage I filed for a divorce and I am so happy and grateful for my life today. I know I am responsible for my own happiness no one can give me that. We are in control of our own lives. Good luck.
I think you really need to speak to your husband and let him know how you feel. Try to find out why your husband is jealous of you. If you can't do this then go to couple counselling. Check out www.relate.org.uk
Hi I've been with my husband 11 years, married for 9. My husband isn't really the jealous kind, but I know how you feel. I had a short affair with someone, but never left my husband, I may have done if the affair was strong enough to last and the guilt hadn't of killed it. I wouldn't do it again though, it's best to leave before you start something else in my situation.





You might have a bit of depression if your feeling unhappy. I think maybe you guys should sit down and talk about how you both feel. Maybe get some help with your marriage. If all else fails then maybe you should both go your own way. Don't have an affair though, if you decide to stay with your husband after that you have to live with the guilt!
Quit letting him rule your life. Be assertive when he is trying to bully you around. Once he figures out that you will no longer do what makes him happy just to keep the peace, he will lighten up. If he doesn't, then my guess is he'll file for divorce. I would also add marital counseling to this new way of dealing with your husband's bossiness. Do whatever you can to save your marriage so if it doesn't work out, you can let it go with peace in your heart.